REPRIMAND

The Poison Air Bubble in the Bloodstream of the American Collective

Editor-In-Chief

Gonzo

Office Staff

Leo and the voices in his head

Mission(ary) Statement

    Hello, and welcome to Reprimand. Not only is the Missionary a favorite sexual position (It’s good to see who gets fucked literally and figuratively), but there are others, Missionaries, who are here for a special purpose, and Reprimand is that purpose.

You are not alone. Others have been where you are. You’ve been jerked off by uncaring, overbearing, and ununderstanding parents. Mainstream society nodded off when you voiced your opinion, and tried to kill you because you are ununderstood, feared, and even hated. The myopic have accused you of being a fraud, and want you to read their eye chart. You’ve been dropped behind enemy lines with no contacts, and have been given no choice but to breathe in life’s poison air.

Reprimand is an offshoot of a poison crop of mushrooms that was planted in that savage garden known as high school. There were bent over bitches for an ineffective school system. That same garden was also where love was where love was learned about for the first time, only to have it later taken away.

However, it wasn’t all bad. It was where virginity was lost at 13 years old. Social Darwinism was taught, as were the finer points of corruption and rebellion. Friends were surrogate families. Everything that was planted in that time is still returning crops.

The point here is this: There are people who genuinely care that you are jaded, cynical, bitter, alienated, misanthropic, and romantic about things. That’s why Reprimand is here. People care that you’ve been bent over and denied KY. There are people who care that you feel like you’re the 22nd piece of a 21 piece puzzle, and the ravages of social Darwinism have driven you insane. It’s okay to go off into the night kicking and screaming. It wouldn’t be right for you to go alone. Now that you’re here, among friends, you can take comfort in the fact that you don’t have to go alone.